The Vicious Cycle

As a middle school teacher, day after day I encounter young people caught in a vicious cycle: one student makes a comment about another student, whether intentionally offensive or not, and the other has to return with a comment of their own, often equally offensive if not more so. This interaction persists, sometimes engulfing other students. There are times when laughter is the end result, but it never seems to be the kind of laughter that brings joy; it’s usually the kind of laughter that is covering up much deeper feelings of inferiority, shame or bitterness. Other times the end result is much more serious, sometimes even grim.

The kids seem to feel as if they are entitled to treat each other this way. Those who continue the cycle are just as difficult to convince as those who started it of the fruitlessness of it. I’ve often asked the question, “Where does it end?” What could possibly be the goal of subjecting oneself to such a hurtful and scary course of events? When a wrong deed has been done, and one has done an equally wrong deed in return, does either party really expect the end result to be at all satisfying?

Samson had trouble dealing with the fact that he had been wronged. When his Philistine father-in-law gave his wife away to another man, Samson took revenge on the man by burning up the Philistine’s crops. He stated: “As they did unto me, so have I done unto them.” But the cycle did not stop there. Samson eventually became a prisoner of the Philistines.

Jesus showed us a better way: Do to others as you would have them do to you. (Luke 6:31) He takes the focus off what others have done to us and puts it on our actions. God wants us to treat others with love and leave the vengeance up to Him. We cannot see the circumstances behind one’s behavior the way He can; we as sinners ourselves cannot properly chastise another for their sins. Our efforts will result in imperfection because we ourselves are imperfect. But our just and holy God’s chastisement is without fault. He will chastise us for our sin and He will chastise the wicked for their sin. He has forgiven us for our sin and made it possible for us to forgive others for theirs through the Holy Spirit. The cycle does not end when ugliness is returned for ugliness; it is ended with forgiveness and trusting in the Lord to handle the rest.